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The Cosmic Column~~~~4699~4719~~
Welcome text~

Read your true horoscope here and then our spoof readings which are funny when you read everyone else's apart from your own. Be offended, be very, very offended.

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New and Full Moons~

New Moon is on 5 May in Taurus. The New Moon represents the beginning of new cycles and phases of life and is a time for letting go and moving on.

Full Moon this month is on the 20 May in Scorpio. The Full Moon is a time for celebrating achievements and for bringing to fruition all ones hopes and dreams.

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Current Moon Phase~
CURRENT MOON
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Your Birth Chart and Interpretation~You can order a full interpretation of your birth chart and future trends from our Astrology Charts Page.~~~4699~6280~~
Merlin's Mystical May Horoscopes~~~~4699~6282~~
Aries~You'll feel in the flow and that your changing circumstances work well and easily for you. It's just the time not to sit back and let things happen, though, but to work hard at your life before it all just slips through your fingers. Resolution: to get out of bed and make things happen.~~~4699~6284~~
Taurus~This is a time when you feel that unwanted changes are being forced on you, perhaps unexpectedly. You have, however, more control than you realise over your circumstances so don't despair and use your willpower to put yourself in charge of your life's direction. Resolution: not to sit back and let things happen to you.~~~4699~6286~~
Gemini~You will have some experiences that have a deep, spiritual and meaningful significance for you. You are able to see beyond surface appearances to the hidden dimensions that work behind the scenes in your life. Learn and grow from this experience for the doorway may not be open again for some time. Resolution: to experience the reality of other worlds.~~~4699~6290~~
Cancer~There are some great opportunities to learn and broaden your horizons arising for you this month. Be practical though, these new possibilities can just as easily be fantasies as real opportunities. It's all a matter of judgement.Resolution: to have your anti-gullible antena fully extended.~~~4699~6479~~
Leo~This is a month of high energy and drive when you can succeed in your chosen endeavour. Be aware that your actions, if wilful or insensitive, will cause you inner emotional tensions and an inability to see yourself clearly. Resolution: to encourage self-awareness.~~~4699~6292~~
Virgo~This is a time when certain limitations in your life are lifted so that you have the opportunity to regenerate your life. All you need is a little enthusiasm and vision. Resolution: to take that extra step to go further in life.~~~4699~6294~~
Libra~There is uncertainty in your life and this is causing you to have doubts about your future. However, see it the other way round - you have doubts about your future and this is causing the uncertainty. Resolution: to realise how your inner world of feelings and thoughts affects your outer circumstances.~~~4699~6296~~
Scorpio~The future is looking bright for you and your horizons are expanding. Take opportunities and make your ideas known. The only brake on this process is yourself. Clear up any inner issues that are holding you back. Resolution: to go for it.~~~4699~6298~~
Sagittarius~So you thought that things were settling down in your life - well think again. There is such a lot of activity, both inner and outer that you may loose some focus in your life. Think of it as spiritual white-water rafting. Resolution: to ride the storm until you find calmer waters.~~~4699~6300~~
Capricorn~Make the effort and the universe will meet you and assist you on your way. Steady work is required - you'll find that as you build your outer world, so too your inner building takes shape. Resolution: to reflect on the idea that outer and inner worlds reflect each other.~~~4699~6302~~
Aquarius~You feel great about who you are and feel more content with yourself than you have for years. This doesn't mean that everything is plain sailing as in particular you have some personal relationship problems to sort out. Resolution: to build inner confidence in who you are and what you need from life.~~~4699~6304~~
Pisces~You know exactly what you want, how to express this and how to achieve it. You may feel uneasy, though, as your heart and head are not in tune. Sort out your feelings and the rest will take care of itself. Resolution: to align head and heart so that they are taking you in the same direction.~~~4699~6306~~
The Real You?~Please don't sue us for deformation of character:~~~4699~6308~~
Aries~21 March - 19 April. You have great energy and are always enthusiastic. Your vivaciousness is nauseating to others.  You concentrate on future success to avoid confronting your past and present failures. You have strange relationships with people much younger than yourself.~~~4699~6309~~
Taurus~20 April - 20 May. You are steadfast, even stubborn in your ways. People who know you well describe you as a pighead. You enjoy music but the only thing you can play is a radio. You are a communist.~~~4699~6310~~
Gemini~21 May - 20 June. You are exuberant and enjoy expressing yourself. Your friends think of you as a busy-body and a bore. You brag about your versatility but deep down you know you can do nothing well. Most welfare recipients are Geminis.~~~4699~6311~~
Cancer~21 June - 22 July. You are a very patient person. You can fall asleep waiting for things to happen. You have a keen memory and often recite boring, obscure things to your few friends. Cancers are easily influenced and many have actually drowned when told to go jump in the lake.~~~4699~6312~~
Leo~23 July - 22 August. You are a very proud and trusting person. Others are constantly taking advantage of you. You do not realize what is happening to you because basically you are very stupid. You are the laughing stock of any group.~~~4699~6313~~
Virgo~23 August - 22 September. You are very methodical and like things in order. On the other hand, your personal appearance is usually a mess. You think of yourself as discriminating, while others think of you as cheap and selfish. You are amoral.~~~4699~6314~~
Libra~23 September - 22 October. You are very affectionate and sympathetic towards others. You enjoy sobbing. You talk a great deal about justice, but no one trusts you. Most Librans are alcoholics and dope fiends. People look at you with pity.~~~4699~6315~~
Scorpio~23 October - 21 November. You are a very domineering and opinionated person. You do not care who you step on to get to the top. You laugh during funerals. Most Scorpios are shot in the back.~~~4699~6316~~
Sagittarius~22 November - 21 December. You have a vivid imagination and are always trying new things. Your friends think you are a pervert. Honesty is so important to you that you even admit to doing incredibly dumb things. Nudists are almost always Sagittarians.~~~4699~6317~~
Capricorn~22 December - 19 January. You are an upholder of tradition and authority. This is because you lack imagination and creativity. You cannot take honest criticism. Not even from your mother. Most prison guards are Capricorns.~~~4699~6318~~
Aquarius~20 January - 18 February. You are an amiable person who likes to be popular. You need to be around others because you cannot stand yourself.  When alone, you do weird things to your body. Sex change operations are common among Aquarians.~~~4699~6319~~
Pisces~19 February - 20 March. You are a kind and gentle person.  Your sensitive nature has given you the reputation of being a patsy and a lughead. Your lack of ambition is directly related to your lack of talent. Pisces make good ushers.~~~4699~6320~~
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